What I Know for Sure

Much in life is uncertain, but there are a few things that I know for sure. I know that where I am right now is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I know that life is unfolding exactly as it should. It's not always the way I want it to be, or how I think it should be, but I believe it's perfect anyway, exactly the way it is.

 I know that your real family is not necessarily related to you by blood and that you can meet someone and have an instantaneous, mysterious understanding that they are one of your tribe. I know that counting my blessings makes me much happier and more peaceful than counting my problems. I know that every day is a gift, filled with opportunities to choose between love and fear, and that these two things are all that's real. Everything else is an illusion.

Finally, I know that at the end of my life it will not be how much I've accomplished, how much money I've earned, or fame I've achieved that matters. All that will really matter is how willing I was to take down my walls and truly give and receive love.

"Happily Ever After" is a Myth.

I don't believe in fairy tales anymore, at least not the ones where the prince and princess meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. I believe in love, but I think our current vision of romantic love is unrealistic and sets expectations that can never be lived up to. Humans are flawed, and we are all struggling, to learn and grow. I think this means that relationships are predestined to be bumpy rides. I think the whole initial "falling in love" stage is a product of hormones and biological programming. Those first feelings of infatuation are nature's way of getting us together to procreate and ensure the survival of the species. I don't mean to sound cynical, I'm just trying to be real. I am actually still a hopeful romantic, but over the years I have revised my idea of what I am hoping for.

I think we all have a deep seated need for real, deep, meaningful connection with another human. I think we are connecting with the divine within that human, and in doing so, connecting with the divine inside ourselves. When we first fall for someone, we are falling for the pure soul within, the spark of Spirit that exists within each of us. And we love seeing our own divine self reflected back in the beloveds' eyes. But as time goes on, we begin to realize that this human is flawed (of course) and we begin to focus on those flaws, until that is all we can see. It's an unpleasant realization because it means we too are flawed, which is uncomfortable to face. So much easier to go, and to seek a new beginning with someone else. This is the challenge of real love though, to love someone even though they are flawed. To allow them to see our deepest, most damaged parts, and to trust them to love us in return. Unconditional love.

I believe in soulmates, and have met a couple in my lifetime. I think you recognize them right away and are drawn to them, for what you can learn from each other. Usually they have all the keys for your locks and vice-versa. It's not always rainbows and butterflies though, because soulmates challenge us to grow in ways we could never have imagined. They push us to stretch ourselves, to learn, to reveal, to go deeper than ever before. It can get messy, growth and stretching can be painful. Sometimes it's easier to run away, or to push them away, but if you can hang in there, it can be tremendously rewarding. Like giving birth, out of the pain, blood and mess comes something beautiful, light-filled and new. And your life has changed, and will never be the same, for having known this person, and having let them fully into your heart.

My current personal vision of "happily ever after" is to find someone who pushes me to grow, encourages my baby steps in a new direction, who supports my quest to be the best version of me I can be, and who wants me to do the same for them. Someone who will stay through the messiness, who will try to sit through the pain instead of withdrawing or pushing me away. To share life experiences and compare notes on learning and growing, who inspires me to be always more. I have had a taste of this, and my life has been forever changed for the better. That's how you know it's a soulmate kind of love. And I know I want more.

Sending love and light.

Namaste'

This is something I read in 1993, and it really spoke to me. I found it recently and still love it, so I wanted to share it here.
"Namaste'. Shalom. Aloha. Peace. Or, if you're a real stickler: The part of me that is most pure loves the part of you that is most pure and within that relationship, we are One. Someone once told me I'd be lucky if I found namaste' with six people in my whole life. I decided she was mistaken, that namaste' is something to be cultivated, given away, celebrated.
After all, it's the invisible connection between us all. The recognition of lives past and lives to come. In India, everyone uses namaste' as a greeting, and they say it with their hands flattened together, as if in prayer. A solemn bond, namaste'. Stronger than just about anything.
And by the way, I've felt namaste' with places, ideas, pieces of music, friends, lovers, even check out girls at the grocery store. You never know. So keep your eyes and your heart and your soul open. Wide. Give namaste' away in bunches, like flowers, to everyone you meet. And when a big dose of it comes your way, in return, rejoice and hold on. For good. Becomes when it comes, it'll come from one of those Big Six. If you're lucky.
And sooner or later, aren't we all?"

Tony Buchsbaum/THE magazine
Santa Fe, NM
May 1993

Sending you love and light....and namaste'.

Inspiration

Today I was blessed with two doses of inspiration, within 10 minutes! I love when this happens, when you are able to be open and free and let things just come in.

I was going to meet a friend for dinner, and pulled into a busy parking garage in Burbank. As the cars in front of me slowly found spaces, I inched along. Then I saw a space up ahead, with only one car in front of me. I crossed my fingers they wouldn't see it, but they did, so I continued on my hunt. I turned the next corner and found an even better spot, closer to where I needed to go. As I parked it ocurred to me that this is a lot like life. You think you know what you want, what will make you happy. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't, and sometimes the Universe has something even better planned...you just don't know it yet! I think of this when I hear the Rolling Stones sing "you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need"!

A few minutes later I was waiting for my friend outside the restaurant as he had phoned to say he was running late. I stood there by the entrance, staring at my "view" such as it was, the concrete side of the parking garage and another building. After a few minutes of this, I decided to walk just a bit while waiting and headed down towards an open air mall about 20 yards away. I walked out into it just in time to see the last of the sunset, pink clouds floating in the flourescent blue sky. A tiny crescent moon was hanging, perfectly framed between two palm trees, while a street musician just happened to be singing one of my favorite songs. I thought to myself "Wow. Just a slight shift and everything completely changed." I was reminded it's within our power to make changes to the way we think and our perceptions, and sometimes it's a small shift to do it. It really is true "Change the way you look at things, and the things you are looking at appear to have changed."

Sending you love and light.

Unfinished Masterpiece

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT
At New York's Museum of Modern Art, I brought my face to within a few inches of Vincent van Gogh's painting The Starry Night.

It looked delicious. I wanted to kiss it. I wanted to eat it. Its stars were throbbing and voluptuous. The night sky shimmered with spiral currents. In the foreground, the cypress tree flared like a shadowy flame. I could also see that the artist had been less than thorough in applying his paint. Especially on the edges, but also in the middle of the painting, slivers of untouched canvas showed through. Fierce, innocent, nourishing, reckless, unfinished, this priceless work drank my attention for a long time, constantly refreshing my eyes with its ceaseless movement.

Can you be at peace with the fact that your masterpiece may always be unfinished?

Rob Brezny, Freewillastrology.com

Black Cats and Seeing Signs.

I'm not superstitious. I have Irish blood on both sides, so by all rights I should be, but I'm not. My mother would freak out over spilled salt, stop the car dead in it's tracks and go 10 miles out of her way if a black cat crossed her path. She insisted visitors always leave by the same door they entered. I wonder if this belief in superstitions goes back to a time when people thought they were totally at the mercy of the whims of the gods, and lived in constant fear of offending them? Thankfully, we've evolved somewhat. The current debate is about destiny vs. free will. Movies are even made about this. ("The Matrix" anyone?) My personal belief is that it's a combination of both. I believe life is a classroom, we come here to learn how to love, how to become the light. Certain lessons are predestined, but we have the free will to pay attention and learn, or to sleep through class and fail. If we choose to sleep, then we have to take a make up, meaning the same type thing will just keep happening until we "get" it. Or if we're stubborn and stay asleep, we have to repeat a "grade" by coming back in another life and doing it all over again.

"There is a benevolent force of energy available to guide your life, and it always has your best interests at heart. This energy is Grace. When you open yourself up to it's influence you'll begin to see the signs, symbols, and messages that are placed in your path to lead you in the right direction."
Cheryl Richardson, life coach.

I do believe in signs, so I guess that makes me Irish after all. I believe Spirit, the Universe, Grace, (whatever you want to call the energy force we all sprang from) sends us guidance every day in the form of signs, coincidences and dreams. Even seemingly random conversations with a friend can contain a message that is heaven-sent sometimes. Often I've been talking with someone and they will say something unrelated but that goes to the heart of an issue I'm dealing with. I know when the messages are from Spirit because they make me feel more clear, calm, centered. My soul recognizes them as truth, and I relax and am inspired.

It's become common, accepted knowledge that our dreams can contain very powerful clues and messages from our subconscious. I believe these can also come from our "super-conscious", that part of us that is eternal and knows all. Usually these significant dreams are much more vivid than normal, and you may be awakened immediately after, as if to give you a chance to remember. I've started keeping a pen and notebook by my bed in order to capture these images before they become elusive in the morning light.

Another way I receive inspiration and information is through music. Music has always been important to me, it speaks to my soul. I've noticed that I wake almost every morning with a fragment of a song running through my head. If I take a moment to really listen, the song and it's lyrics are usually directly related to something going on in my life and can give me a completely new insight or perspective. Signs can be more obvious too. One day I was driving in my car and really struggling to absorb something my intuition was trying to tell me. My rational mind was really being stubborn and resisting this "knowledge". I was pondering this situation when a song came on the radio that reiterated exactly what my intuition had been saying. As I listened in surprise to this "coincidence", I pulled up to a red light. Glancing to my left there was a wall covered in posters for upcoming movies, cd's etc. In the midst of all this, my eye fell on two posters hanging side by side. One said "Do you believe yet?" and the other "It's not just your imagination." No pictures or mention of any product. "OK then!" I thought. Message received!

"Awaken. Keep your eyes open. When we decide to live a conscious life, we see signs of Grace everywhere."
C. Richardson

I think we are sent messages, signs, and gifts of guidance and inspiration every day, we just have to be awake enough to receive them. Our ancestors, whether native Americans, Africans, or pagan Celts and Vikings, were in touch with the earth and life's flow of energy. They understood the signs and believed in dreams and visions. But slowly over time these things became lost or twisted into superstitions. In "modern" times we've become so insulated by technology and modern conveniences that our "receivers" have fallen into disrepair due to lack of use. We have to make a conscious effort to open the channel, and wake up to the miracles happening every day all around us. The world can be so much richer and more beautiful!

"My father says almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says only a few people are awake. And they live in a state of constant total amazement."
John Patrick Shanley in "Joe vs. the Volcano"

Sending you light, love and amazement.

Ageing in the Land of Eternal Youth

I live in Los Angeles, the land of eternal youth and beauty. Women here (and some men) don't age, they just become cartoon-ish caricatures of themselves, who manage to look perpetually surprised and completely blank, simultaneously. It's seriously creepy. The more I see, the less I want to participate. Plus, once you start you can't stop, and I've got enough "Goddess maintenance" appointments every month as it is!

I guess this obsession with looks and ageing makes sense in a way. This is Hollywood after all, "movie capital of the world", and movies are a visual medium. But I think maybe we've gone way too crazy over this, focusing too much on the packaging instead of the product. I think we worry far too much about age, weight and size. These things are just numbers after all, not the true measurements of value. I just want to be healthy. In other cultures age is revered, the older a person is, the more they are valued for their wisdom and life experience. Maybe wrinkles should be thought of as medals of valor, earned through years of courageously surviving this crazy thing called life? Something to be respected, not dreaded. Maybe lines should be seen as signs of someones ability to empathize, to find joy, to offer a smile, to laugh and live life to it's fullest? Maybe lines and wrinkles should be admired, not erased! My analogy is this: If one wears a beautiful linen dress to a party, and you are enjoying yourself, by the end of the night it will be a bit wrinkled and creased, but it's still intrinsically the same beautiful dress!

What exactly are we hoping to find out when we ask someones age? The idea that age is an indicator of one's maturity is laughable. I've met people in their 30's far more wise and mature than many in their 50's (especially in this town!). When someone asks me how old I am, I want to say "Well, that depends...." How old is this body? 52. How old do I feel? 35 most of the time, 12 on a good day. How old is my soul? Both ageless and ancient. I honestly don't FEEL any different than I did in my 30's. My father says the same thing and he's in his 70's! Maybe emotionally people are like cake, you're either done or you're not. You're either a grown up or you're not, and your age isn't necessarily an indication of this fact.

Actually I think that Mother Nature, in her wisdom has provided her own way of dealing with this issue. I discovered in my 40's that just as I began to crease and wrinkle, my close-range vision began to go too. Without the technology interfering and the invention of magnifying mirrors and reading glasses, I would never know I am ageing! As most things in nature, it's a perfect system, as my face continues to age, my eyesight continues to degenerate. To my poor eyes, I still look the same as I did at 25, and that is a beautiful thing. Trust me, I am VERY careful NEVER to look in the mirror with my glasses on. I like the state of denial I'm living in, thanks!

I suppose it's human nature to judge a book by it's cover, but maybe we should learn to "see" with our hearts more, and our eyes less. Stop worrying about how we look and think more about how we feel, and act. Be more gentle with ourselves and each other.

Sending you light and love.