I don't believe in fairy tales anymore, at least not the ones where the prince and princess meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. I believe in love, but I think our current vision of romantic love is unrealistic and sets expectations that can never be lived up to. Humans are flawed, and we are all struggling, to learn and grow. I think this means that relationships are predestined to be bumpy rides. I think the whole initial "falling in love" stage is a product of hormones and biological programming. Those first feelings of infatuation are nature's way of getting us together to procreate and ensure the survival of the species. I don't mean to sound cynical, I'm just trying to be real. I am actually still a hopeful romantic, but over the years I have revised my idea of what I am hoping for.
I think we all have a deep seated need for real, deep, meaningful connection with another human. I think we are connecting with the divine within that human, and in doing so, connecting with the divine inside ourselves. When we first fall for someone, we are falling for the pure soul within, the spark of Spirit that exists within each of us. And we love seeing our own divine self reflected back in the beloveds' eyes. But as time goes on, we begin to realize that this human is flawed (of course) and we begin to focus on those flaws, until that is all we can see. It's an unpleasant realization because it means we too are flawed, which is uncomfortable to face. So much easier to go, and to seek a new beginning with someone else. This is the challenge of real love though, to love someone even though they are flawed. To allow them to see our deepest, most damaged parts, and to trust them to love us in return. Unconditional love.
I believe in soulmates, and have met a couple in my lifetime. I think you recognize them right away and are drawn to them, for what you can learn from each other. Usually they have all the keys for your locks and vice-versa. It's not always rainbows and butterflies though, because soulmates challenge us to grow in ways we could never have imagined. They push us to stretch ourselves, to learn, to reveal, to go deeper than ever before. It can get messy, growth and stretching can be painful. Sometimes it's easier to run away, or to push them away, but if you can hang in there, it can be tremendously rewarding. Like giving birth, out of the pain, blood and mess comes something beautiful, light-filled and new. And your life has changed, and will never be the same, for having known this person, and having let them fully into your heart.
My current personal vision of "happily ever after" is to find someone who pushes me to grow, encourages my baby steps in a new direction, who supports my quest to be the best version of me I can be, and who wants me to do the same for them. Someone who will stay through the messiness, who will try to sit through the pain instead of withdrawing or pushing me away. To share life experiences and compare notes on learning and growing, who inspires me to be always more. I have had a taste of this, and my life has been forever changed for the better. That's how you know it's a soulmate kind of love. And I know I want more.
Sending love and light.
