Saturday, August 10, 2013

Finding the Love of Your Life- YOU!

I've been noticing lately that in today’s world there is so much emphasis on finding your "soul-mate." There are books, television shows, workshops, and newsletters that give mountains of advice on the subject. Even girls in their teens dream about growing up and meeting their soul mate. I do believe in soul-mates, but it just feels like there is way too much focus on filling yourself up with love from external sources. It feels like as a society we are all "on the hunt" for something, "the ONE" whose love is going to solve all our problems and fulfill all our needs. This almost-feverish obsession feels a little (ok, a LOT) unhealthy to me.

Here's the thing though, relationships can only be as healthy as the two people in them. Which means that even when you meet your soul-mate, if YOU are not healthy, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, the relationship will not be what you've dreamed of. In truth, the only person who knows exactly how you feel and what you need, and who will always be there for you, is YOU. So by expecting this from another person, we are really setting the relationship up to fail from the beginning. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important one, and where we should be focusing our energy. I truly believe that if we do this, the "soul-mate" relationship will naturally follow, and it will be so much better!

“Self-love is the magic key that unlocks the chains of the past and frees us to experience the present in a state of deep happiness, peace, and joy.” 

When we learn to love and accept ourselves completely, we can love and accept our beloved more fully, and create with them the deep intimacy we all seek. In order to do this, we have to understand what barriers we might have against love. I saw Tony Robbins (the life coach/motivational speaker) on TV recently and he said that of all the people he's coached, including Presidents, CEO's, professional athletes, and movie stars, the most common deep-rooted, self-belief is some version of "I'm not good enough." This usually comes from spoken or unspoken messages received in childhood, and it usually turns into "I'm not good enough, therefore I'm not lovable." Having this belief about yourself creates so much fear and anxiety, which we carry into our life experiences. It colors how we perceive ourselves, our relationships, and how we feel about ourselves. This seems to be the biggest obstacle that we all have in common when it comes to love.

Children come into the world as beings of pure light, love and joy. That’s who we all are at our deepest core. But then we have experiences that teach us guilt and shame, and these become our “stories” that we tell ourselves over and over again. In some instances, we even create experiences that will reinforce them! It’s important to understand where these negative self-beliefs came from, so we can release them and return to our original state of love. Usually these childhood experiences were things that happened that actually had nothing to do with us, or our worth, but our still-developing minds interpreted as being about us, or our fault. We can go back and change our "stories." We can make new decisions about who we are and what we are worth, and when we do, everything changes.

"We attract what we are, not what we want." If you want love, become love. This means falling in love with yourself, and learning to love yourself the way you dream of being loved; unconditionally, faults, flaws and all. Get so happy in your life that you no longer need that "soul-mate" to show up, because that's exactly when the right one arrives. Become your own "soul-mate" and watch the magic happen!

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