Sunday, September 9, 2012

Becoming the Eye of the Storm

Last week I wrote about my current stage of emotional and spiritual growth, recognizing that I had allowed someone else's fearful thinking to drag me into an unloving state of mind, and about the challenges of staying grounded and rooted in love when others around us are choosing fear. In order to learn to hold yourself open in love, no matter what anyone else says or does, you must look within and see where it is that you "hit the wall". What causes you to close up and shut down? Where is your boundary that once crossed, causes you to forget love and choose fear, disguised as guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, or bitterness? This is your wall, and your wall protects your wounds, places you've been hurt and have come to believe something negative about yourself. We've all had events in our lives, usually in childhood, that taught us to tell ourselves false stories about our worthlessness, our imperfection, our unlovable-ness.

When someone else points out my flaws or mistakes, for instance, it is my own deep belief that I am "not good enough" that causes me to react, and to feel miserable. This kind of reaction is an indicator that on some level I believe these things to be true about myself. This is the wound that must be found, and healed within me, with self-love and forgiveness. Once this is accomplished, I will be able to stand strong and not be sucked into the delusion they are creating. I can stand strong because I know the truth about myself. I am a beautiful being of light and love. I am loving, I am lovable, I AM love! Once I understand this I can see that yes, I am human, I do have flaws, but this doesn't make me a "bad" person, or worthless, or unlovable. The reason we get sucked into other people's fearful delusions is that we are taking whatever is going on personally, when it's not really about us at all.

Healing these old wounds requires going back to the root, and changing the mindset you established in the past. Then you can stand strong when the storm blows in, seeing clearly that what is going on is about someone else acting out of fear. You'll be able to see that it is their own deep-seated fears and insecurities causing them to act out. It's much easier to continue to love them, when you know that what is happening has nothing to do with you.  If you are able to remain calm, loving and unaffected, you actually become a mirror for the person who is temporarily fear-crazed. By not reacting you provide them an opportunity to witness their own self-defeating behavior. This is the best way to help them return to "sanity", a state of love. You don't need to point out their fearful behavior, this only adds fuel to the fire by making them defensive. They will "get it" much faster if you remain in love and allow them to wake up on their own.

Last weekend as I reflected back over the previous week, I realized that I had allowed myself to be dragged into someone else's fear-storm. I had allowed their fearful thinking to activate my old fears and false beliefs about myself, and it was a really rough week as a result. So my last blog post was written about this, and helped me to realize what was happening. I went into the new week after the Labor Day holiday determined to hold my ground if similar events transpired, set on not getting swept up in the emotional tides of others. (This can definitely be a challenge, especially when it's coming from someone close to you like a lover, a best friend, or a boss.) Sure enough, the moment came when the other person's fear-storm started to wind up, but I was able to see it coming and to say to myself "This is not about me!" I didn't allow my ego to start with it's fearful thinking, I was able to stay in a place of love and acceptance, and my week was busy but calm and peaceful. I was able to watch the other person take their ride on their emotional roller coaster, without having to go along. Miraculously, without me feeding my own fearful energy into it, the storm passed quickly, and without reaching it's peak. It's very hard for someone to stay on the attack when you don't react. As it says in A Course In Miracles: "It is in our defenselessness that our power lies." My focus on loving and accepting myself gave me the strength to stay in love and to not join them in their fearful delusion. What a contrast to the week before! It felt like such a victory, and a great reminder that in the struggle between love and fear, love always wins!

Sending you much light and love. May you too find the peace and serenity of becoming the eye of the storm.

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