No Regrets

Sitting on my deck, the sun going down, the birds singing their last sweet songs for the day. So peaceful and quiet. I love this time of day they call "dusk", even the name sounds hushed and perfect. In the movie business they call it "magic hour" because everything is bathed in a rosy-golden glow. Wind chimes ring softly like temple bells in the evening breeze. The peaceful end to another good day on earth, and I'm so grateful.

I feel at peace too. I know I have done everything to the best of my ability today. I worked hard and accomplished a lot. I feel pleased and satisfied with the results. I tried to extend myself in love wherever possible. I didn't always succeed as much as I'd have liked, but I see the opportunities where I could've been kinder, more patient and I resolve to do even better tomorrow.

This is pretty much the way I feel about my life in general, at what I hope is just the mid-point. No regrets. I've definitely made my share of mistakes, but what matters is I learned from them. That's what life is for after all, to experiment, experience, and learn. Most importantly, I've kept my heart open, even when others closed theirs. Instead of toughening me, I've managed to let those difficult times soften me, so I can be more open, more compassionate, more loving the next time. In a recent entry I compared life to a river of energy which we are all adrift in. Yes we get bumped and scraped against the rocks sometimes, but I think that's the process that smooths our rough edges. At the end of the ride I hope to be a beautiful, smooth stone, polished to my highest potential by life and time.

Sending you love and light.

Reality is Subjective, Choose Heaven.

Some of my best ideas come while I'm sleeping. It seems that my brain doesn't completely shut off at night, the creative juices keep flowing. Last night after writing the previous post, my mind continued to work over those ideas, and I found something more I wanted to say.

Our perception creates our reality. It's common knowledge that our thoughts do help shape our experiences. How ever I choose to perceive a situation will create the reality of that situation, for me. Let's face it, the glass is rarely completely filled. But I get to choose whether I see it as half full, or half empty. Am I going to choose to focus on what I have, or what's missing? Because one will make me feel grateful and happy, the other miserable and angry. Yes it's true that the world has it's share of pain and bad things do happen, but it also has good things, beauty and love, so which am I going to choose to focus on? Maybe some people actually enjoy being miserable, but I think it's more likely their viewpoint has been shaped by the influence of others, and they don't know how to break the cycle, or even realize they have a choice.
I believe heaven and hell are here on earth, and we get to choose which one we live in. As I wrote in the previous post, I choose to view the universe as a loving and benevolent place, bringing me experiences that while admittedly sometimes painful and unpleasant, are ultimately for my growth and learning. Because I believe this, I constantly find evidence to support it in my life, so it becomes my reality. This is heaven. If I choose to believe the opposite, I'm sure I could find plenty to support that too, but my reality would be tortured and filled with pain. This is the meaning of hell.

Which one are you choosing to live in?

Sending you love and light.

What Keeps Me Going

Someone asked me recently how I am always able to find the positive in things, no matter the circumstances. I wasn't really sure how to answer except to say that it has to do with my deepest belief that everything happens for a reason, and for the best, whether we can see it or not. As I've said before, I believe the universe is a kind and benevolent energy source. It supplies everything necessary for every living thing to flourish and grow. Flowers, weeds, trees, animals, fish, insects, reptiles AND human beings. It's a matter of trusting and allowing. Having faith and letting go.

Often it's the things that are most important to us that are the most difficult to surrender. I realized this to be very true in my own life. For example, when I needed a new place to live, I would set my intentions, visualize what I wanted, and trust the universe to provide. Of course, I still had to get on the Internet and pound the pavement, but invariably in short order I would find something even better than I had imagined. I did the same thing with finding new jobs, with the same results. I wasn't even aware that I was doing this until a friend of mine said "You always find the coolest places to live, and the best jobs. You must be really good at manifesting things!" She was right, I had learned to surrender those two areas. However, my love life was another story. This was THE most important area of my life to me, so of course I was desperately trying to control it, with little or no success. Finally, after all these years I was able to truly surrender this area, to say "If it's meant to be, so be it. If not, I know I'll be OK." I found such peace, like a burden had been lifted that was far too heavy for me to carry alone. Naturally that's exactly when big, true, soul-mate type love walked in the door and rocked my world.

I believe life is like a big roaring river of energy, and we are all deep in it, part of it, whether we know it or not. Some of us cling to the reeds at the bottom, terrified to let go and see where the current takes us, afraid we'll be smashed to bits against the rocks. Others are kicking, screaming, fighting and panicking, afraid we will drown. But I've found if you can just relax and allow the river to flow, you will find you can float, and even swim along with the current. And although there might be rapids from time to time, or even some falls to circumnavigate, if you allow it, the river will carry you safely to a peaceful, deep, safe harbor, where you were meant to be all along.

This belief is what keeps me going when life gets tough, what gives me faith in the bad times. Life isn't always easy, but it's a great ride if you can let go and enjoy it!

Sending you love, light and peaceful waters.

What I Know for Sure

Much in life is uncertain, but there are a few things that I know for sure. I know that where I am right now is exactly where I'm supposed to be. I know that life is unfolding exactly as it should. It's not always the way I want it to be, or how I think it should be, but I believe it's perfect anyway, exactly the way it is.

 I know that your real family is not necessarily related to you by blood and that you can meet someone and have an instantaneous, mysterious understanding that they are one of your tribe. I know that counting my blessings makes me much happier and more peaceful than counting my problems. I know that every day is a gift, filled with opportunities to choose between love and fear, and that these two things are all that's real. Everything else is an illusion.

Finally, I know that at the end of my life it will not be how much I've accomplished, how much money I've earned, or fame I've achieved that matters. All that will really matter is how willing I was to take down my walls and truly give and receive love.

"Happily Ever After" is a Myth.

I don't believe in fairy tales anymore, at least not the ones where the prince and princess meet, fall in love and live happily ever after. I believe in love, but I think our current vision of romantic love is unrealistic and sets expectations that can never be lived up to. Humans are flawed, and we are all struggling, to learn and grow. I think this means that relationships are predestined to be bumpy rides. I think the whole initial "falling in love" stage is a product of hormones and biological programming. Those first feelings of infatuation are nature's way of getting us together to procreate and ensure the survival of the species. I don't mean to sound cynical, I'm just trying to be real. I am actually still a hopeful romantic, but over the years I have revised my idea of what I am hoping for.

I think we all have a deep seated need for real, deep, meaningful connection with another human. I think we are connecting with the divine within that human, and in doing so, connecting with the divine inside ourselves. When we first fall for someone, we are falling for the pure soul within, the spark of Spirit that exists within each of us. And we love seeing our own divine self reflected back in the beloveds' eyes. But as time goes on, we begin to realize that this human is flawed (of course) and we begin to focus on those flaws, until that is all we can see. It's an unpleasant realization because it means we too are flawed, which is uncomfortable to face. So much easier to go, and to seek a new beginning with someone else. This is the challenge of real love though, to love someone even though they are flawed. To allow them to see our deepest, most damaged parts, and to trust them to love us in return. Unconditional love.

I believe in soulmates, and have met a couple in my lifetime. I think you recognize them right away and are drawn to them, for what you can learn from each other. Usually they have all the keys for your locks and vice-versa. It's not always rainbows and butterflies though, because soulmates challenge us to grow in ways we could never have imagined. They push us to stretch ourselves, to learn, to reveal, to go deeper than ever before. It can get messy, growth and stretching can be painful. Sometimes it's easier to run away, or to push them away, but if you can hang in there, it can be tremendously rewarding. Like giving birth, out of the pain, blood and mess comes something beautiful, light-filled and new. And your life has changed, and will never be the same, for having known this person, and having let them fully into your heart.

My current personal vision of "happily ever after" is to find someone who pushes me to grow, encourages my baby steps in a new direction, who supports my quest to be the best version of me I can be, and who wants me to do the same for them. Someone who will stay through the messiness, who will try to sit through the pain instead of withdrawing or pushing me away. To share life experiences and compare notes on learning and growing, who inspires me to be always more. I have had a taste of this, and my life has been forever changed for the better. That's how you know it's a soulmate kind of love. And I know I want more.

Sending love and light.

Namaste'

This is something I read in 1993, and it really spoke to me. I found it recently and still love it, so I wanted to share it here.
"Namaste'. Shalom. Aloha. Peace. Or, if you're a real stickler: The part of me that is most pure loves the part of you that is most pure and within that relationship, we are One. Someone once told me I'd be lucky if I found namaste' with six people in my whole life. I decided she was mistaken, that namaste' is something to be cultivated, given away, celebrated.
After all, it's the invisible connection between us all. The recognition of lives past and lives to come. In India, everyone uses namaste' as a greeting, and they say it with their hands flattened together, as if in prayer. A solemn bond, namaste'. Stronger than just about anything.
And by the way, I've felt namaste' with places, ideas, pieces of music, friends, lovers, even check out girls at the grocery store. You never know. So keep your eyes and your heart and your soul open. Wide. Give namaste' away in bunches, like flowers, to everyone you meet. And when a big dose of it comes your way, in return, rejoice and hold on. For good. Becomes when it comes, it'll come from one of those Big Six. If you're lucky.
And sooner or later, aren't we all?"

Tony Buchsbaum/THE magazine
Santa Fe, NM
May 1993

Sending you love and light....and namaste'.

Inspiration

Today I was blessed with two doses of inspiration, within 10 minutes! I love when this happens, when you are able to be open and free and let things just come in.

I was going to meet a friend for dinner, and pulled into a busy parking garage in Burbank. As the cars in front of me slowly found spaces, I inched along. Then I saw a space up ahead, with only one car in front of me. I crossed my fingers they wouldn't see it, but they did, so I continued on my hunt. I turned the next corner and found an even better spot, closer to where I needed to go. As I parked it ocurred to me that this is a lot like life. You think you know what you want, what will make you happy. Sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't, and sometimes the Universe has something even better planned...you just don't know it yet! I think of this when I hear the Rolling Stones sing "you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need"!

A few minutes later I was waiting for my friend outside the restaurant as he had phoned to say he was running late. I stood there by the entrance, staring at my "view" such as it was, the concrete side of the parking garage and another building. After a few minutes of this, I decided to walk just a bit while waiting and headed down towards an open air mall about 20 yards away. I walked out into it just in time to see the last of the sunset, pink clouds floating in the flourescent blue sky. A tiny crescent moon was hanging, perfectly framed between two palm trees, while a street musician just happened to be singing one of my favorite songs. I thought to myself "Wow. Just a slight shift and everything completely changed." I was reminded it's within our power to make changes to the way we think and our perceptions, and sometimes it's a small shift to do it. It really is true "Change the way you look at things, and the things you are looking at appear to have changed."

Sending you love and light.